6/23/2008

I know-
I don't use my words
like you'd like me to

I don't say the right things
at the right time-
nor at the wrong

Instead I keep them in
all for me
and my own
all those words
that I could use
to make YOU feel ME

Stupid
selfish
distant
and deeply detached
is how this makes me look
to you-
I'm sure of it

But I'm fighting myself to change
and you're breaking down this self-made wall
that protects me
and keeps all others at a safe distance
far far away
one brick at a time, so keep pounding away

Because, see-
even through this blacked out eye
I'm beginning to see

What I'm seeing
is what you're forcing me to see-
and that is
maybe
just maybe you're right

Maybe I should just let you inside
and give in
and open up to you
before it's too late
and those cold winds begin to blow and chill our bones
and you're boarding some fucking plane or train out west somewhere-
leaving me alone
with an aching skull, a hole in my heart, and at least 1,000 words I'll have wished I would have said
to you.

6/17/2008

So that apology-
you know
the one where I told you sorry
for telling lies about you
and sorry for sticking my cock in that other girl's
open and inviting snatch
while I still called you
my girlfriend
and
about how
I was at the lowest point of my life
and that's why I was such a bastard to you-
Remember that?

Yeah-
Well, that was bullshit
and I want to take that back

Because honestly, babe
I don't care now
and I really didn't care then
and if I were to do it over with you
I'd do it exactly the same as I did before

So you can go right ahead
sick some guy on me
I'll LET him beat me mercilessly

Because, baby
I truly never gave a shit
and that-
is the honest
word-blood
truth.